“Shut Up and Drive”

. If you haven’t had the pleasure of driving across the country from our fair city of Chicago, and heading west bound, you have no idea what you’re missing. My first piece of advice to you, though I am truly biased in saying so, is to avoid the airlines, take your wheels…See all of what you would miss while in the air. Yes, the reality of this task is that you will be trapped in your vehicle, so you may want to pack wisely, choose a roomy car/van/SUV/RV and in doing so assure that you’ll be comfortable for the LONG haul. I can imagine that some of you out there reading this are wincing at the thought of a solid 14 hour drive, but if you have a partner in crime who is willing to split up the driving, it’s not so bad. The perks are worth the effort. America, land of crooked politicians and environmental upset, still has much beauty to offer and in my humble opinion, touring our states and checking out all of what the many roadside attractions have to offer is a tempting reason to jump in head first into the road trip Americana adventure.

. Once upon a time my old friend and Editor-In-Chief, Lissy and I did just that. Starting our journey at 7pm central standard time, in a Chicagoland suburb, we hopped in my Nissan Quest Van, (after some planning and much packing) and we took a crazy road trip to be envied by all. As to drive the bulk of the ride at night, we started north through Wisconsin and west through Southern Minnesota…states that we felt were safe to drive through at night, though we of course installed deer whistles on the front of my van. We made it just barely into South Dakota when ULTRA-FATIGUE set in, and we were forced to call it quits for a bit. We needed to take a break from driving, and being in the van. We pulled into a truck stop (SCARY!) and decided to nap a bit. Side thought, I am thankful for tinted windows.

Waking up to truck whistles, engines roaring and people scurrying about, we decided to get some South Dakota style breakfast at a nearby diner. We enjoyed our eggs, coffees, orange juice and then got promptly back onto the blacktop.

. Heading 90 west toward Keystone, South Dakota, we were lucky enough to view the majesty of South Dakota’s Black Hills, a blue sunny sky, breathe in the clean air, enjoy the mild weather, and take some photos of Deadwood and the free roaming bison, sheep and cattle abound.

. Just then we began to see signs for it every mile on the mile. We just couldn’t resist, we stopped at the ultimate tourist haven in South Dakota, “Wall Drug“. For those of you whom are not familiar with “Wall Drug”, it is almost like a mini-town for shopping, couple square blocks of shops, cafes, restaurants, and a mall packed with plenty of campy, kitschy old west sees and dos around every corner. With everything from genuine South Dakota gold to handmade soaps to guns, Wall Drug is the quintessential tourist trap for the traveler passing through and needing a break from the drive; which we absolutely did. Lissy and I opted to have a liquid lunch at the most adorable jewelry and antique shop / Coffee Shop that has been owned by the same lady (around our age; 33 at the time) since she was 19 years old. She managed to cleverly remodel a small space into an alluring boutique-like atmosphere that was packed with delicate, feminine trinkets and jewelry, household items and of course a rockin’ coffee bar. All perfectly placed in the back of the shop, that was screaming our names after a rough night of driving and poor napping at the truck stop. The espresso was on the mark; which goes without saying gave us just the right amount of pep to continue on our route down 90 toward our first hotel stop in downtown Keystone.

. Arriving in downtown Keystone and checking into the Mount Washington Inn was a breeze. This was not my first rodeo at the Mount Washington Inn. I had stayed there twice before, and because of this I had selected it for its great price, excellent service and convenient location. There were only a few trucks sharing interstate 90 West with us, making the drive itself peaceful and stress free.

. Downtown Keystone is a quaint throwback to the 1800’s old west towns. Loaded with even more shopping, restaurants and saloons, Lissy and I explored the street at night, but I’ll get to that in a bit, first we did the ultimate obvious…we visited “Mount Rushmore National Park and Monument”. It was LARGE. Now, I state this not because I am stating the obvious, but to reinforce the enormity of it, and because one can not truly grasp the size of it until they are faced with the monument itself. It was also impressive from an artist’s point of view. Lastly, it was of course a place where I found my own little adventure. Yes, I scaled a fence. Breaking federal laws isn’t something that I do every day, and if asked under oath…blah, blah, blah, I took a trek as far up to George Washington’s head as I could safely get to. Fun stuff, as Lissy was forced to stand guard while I took some snapshots, one of myself appearing to “pick” the nose of our founding father. Sitting on the nearby benches, gazing up at the monument, Lissy and I discovered that we are both American History flunkies. It was a proud moment for the both of us. More so for myself, as I am the natural born American. Trying to guess who the third president was, carved into the mountain, we came up with: Burt Reynolds, John Holmes, Tom Selleck, but in the end I had to google it to come up with the correct president.

. Back at the hotel’s little downtown area, we’re drinking “Moose Drool” and hearing a cowboy sing songs, catching glimpses of some very odd little stops…doing our thing, while trying with all our might not to stay out too late, as we had a bit of a drive ahead of us the next morning toward Yellowstone National Park, a nice 9 HOUR DRIVE. We had a great time in South Dakota, even if it was only a quick stopover.

. Morning arrived and we were once again on the road. Luckily the sun was shining and the sky was blue and healing. After “Moose Drool” and my Vodka/Red Bulls, a bit of sunshine and clean air did wonders for both of us. It was once again time to ease on down the road, and this time we were headed to Yellowstone.

. The drive to Yellowstone was beyond breathtaking. Imagine rounding up and down mountains, through tunnels dug into mountains, cruising along streams and rivers, estuaries packed with fishing enthusiasts, until finally crossing through a national park to arrive at your next stop; Yellowstone National Park, an amazing natural volcanic landscape. Beyond the geysers and sulfur ponds smoking everywhere was Lake Yellowstone frozen and awe inspiring with unique beauty. We were lucky enough to get up close and personal with some very large, beastly and VERY WILD animals. Okay kids, it needs to be said…bears are big and scary….period. Bison are ever bigger, but somehow not quite as scary. Elk are gentle giants, grazing and chewing on tree leaves. They were so sweet and gentle that I swear that I could almost see them smiling at me. Still, I was not at all willing to freely approach free roaming, wild animals. This was not Brookfield Zoo, and I WAS well aware of it. We were out there in the wild, it was breathtakingly overwhelming with beauty and magic and life. It was wild. It was so much to take in, but, take it in we did, and then it was time to camp.

. Roadblock…the campground that we had booked was unfortunately a BUST! Along with the fact that when we did reach our destination, the weather had gone haywire; temperature capping off at a chilly 43 degrees Fahrenheit. Rain pouring down onto us as if the gods were tossing pails of icy water downward. The plot thickened as we were disappointed to discover that our campground was a giant slab of concrete, not at all conducive to tenting upon it. So…once again we opted to check into a hotel nearby and seek out another campground in the morning. Morning arrived and with a bit of luck and perseverance we were able to find a nice wooded area to set up camp. The weather though, was atrocious. Raining, wind blowing, and storms growing in strength. We were forced to build a make shift tarp shelter out of the van tarp and some bungee cords strapped to the trees. It was a torrential downpour and a complete nightmare as far as sleeping comfortably. The day proved difficult, as we froze while sitting soaked with nowhere to run to other than the van with a bit of heat on here and there. We couldn’t wait to move on to better weather. When morning broke, we quickly drove on.

. St. Regis Montana, northwest of Yellowstone was a quick 5 hours away and we arrived at an outdoor enthusiast’s dream. Tree lined and clean, the St. Regis Campground in St. Regis Montana was a nice overnight break for us after a night from hell in Yellowstone. The owners were friendly and helpful, full of stories about the area and suggestions for our morning espresso stop. Note: The Pacific Northwest is loaded with drive-thru Espresso/Coffee “huts” that knock “Star(we take all your)bucks” out of the water. In the morning, we made our final stop in Montana at a quaint Espresso hut and got our caffeine on! We were ready to roll through the small but ultimately gorgeous (and what I WHOLEHEARTEDLY believe to be the most strikingly clean, green and beautiful area of our nation) panhandle of Idaho (Coeur d’Alene; to be precise), down through Washington, and then into Oregon, where we were off onto the Pacific Coast Highway 101, through Astoria (GOONIES 25th Anniversary) and onto Cannon Beach Resort Campground, our next 2 day stop.

. Astoria, Oregon is beautiful and scenic. Cannon Beach played host to filming many scenes out of “The Goonies”, and many other coastal themed films. “Point Break” starring Keanu Reeves, just to name one. Our camping experience in Cannon, Beach was marvelous. We were within walking distance of the old town shops, and restaurants as well as the ocean. Lissy and I made a video blog for the day on the beach that was made famous by “The Goonies”. The sun was setting as we walked the shore, splashed around out in the clear blue sea water, and truly experienced Cannon Beach. The town is filled with colorful characters, and is ultra-safe to walk around at night in. It was a memorable stay.

. After our two overnights in Cannon Beach, Oregon, we once again headed out onto the US 101, driving southbound to Leggett, California, home of the giant redwoods, and also Redwood River Resort Campground.

. After hours of driving down the awesomely breathtaking US Route 101, also known as the glorious “Pacific Coast Highway”, and taking a multitude of stops along the way, just to bask in the pretty sites and of course load up on caffeine at the many espresso huts along the way, we finally arrived at our lodging. We were overjoyed to not have to assemble the tents, as we entered our rustic chalet and plopped down onto the sofa.

. Lissy and I laughed for about ten straight minutes after reading the sign over the sink in the kitchen that read, “For $25 we will be more than happy to do your dishes.” Also, the wi-fi was not FREE, as it had been advertised. It was $6 per device, per day. Now, with our laptops and iPhones and PDAs…well YOU do the math. We had lost both cellular signal and GPS signal somewhere between the southern tip of Oregon and still had zero connection. We swallowed our giggles and paid for the WEAK wi-fi. Other than that bit of ridiculousness, the resort was charming. A heated pool, close to the ocean, close to all of the classic Redwood stops, (Avenue of the Giants, and Confusion Hill was literally across the road on the opposite side of the 101, The Peg House, The Chandler Tree, etc…) hosted many walking trails through sky high Redwoods down to a lovely lazy river; The Eel River and to top it all off, the landscape was covered by geodes GALORE! Agates and Aventurine, Tiger’s Eyes, moonstones, you name it. All we need is a rock tumbler and a hot glue gun and you’ll be hearing all about the, “Inclination Body Accessories” line. The resort was hippy owned and therefore, extremely liberal. We were like sweet little nymphs running through the wilds of No Cali’s finest scenery. As Lissy and I are both avid outdoors enthusiasts, we took advantage of every moment that we spent surrounded by nature in the raw.

. We “heart” the Redwoods! Sadly after our 3 days/2 nights were up, we carried on, bidding adieu to one of America’s most beloved national forests. We headed south and east through the Sierra Nevada Mountains toward our next stop, an overnight on what we had thought was on route to the Rockies; Eureka, Nevada, when all hell broke loose on the weather front.

. As we sat staring at the radar on the weather station, my heart began to flutter…I was for the first time in years, feeling like a panic attack was coming on. It became obvious to both of us that taking interstate 70 any further east would be dangerous to say the least. There were snowstorm warning in Colorado, tornado watches, and warnings also in Colorado and Missouri, and flash flooding going on in our general destination’s direction. We wracked our brains for a bit. Backtracking seemed boring, depressing and counterproductive all at the same time. I stared at the atlas when it hit me. “Let’s take Route 66 home,” I said to my partner in crime. We were about to venture the drive east back down Interstate 40; also known as Route 66.

. Lissy was of course thrilled at the thought of waking up in the morning and heading toward Albuquerque, New Mexico and upwards of 100 degree weather, after we had been quite chilly in the beautiful Pacific NW. We had nothing but clear sailing in our road tripping future. Beyond opening up more opportunities for great stops, we would be avoiding all the shitty and dangerous severe weather. So, after a great night’s sleep in the tiny ghost town of Eureka, NV, situated on the lonely Highway 50, we jaunted south toward Route 66 / Interstate 40 east.

. Crossing into Utah and then into the western edge of Colorado, we shot south to Albuquerque (of course), again jumping out of the car at every overlook and roadside artisan’s stand. Eating up hours of our day, we finally pulled into a nice hotel in Albuquerque New Mexico, where we spent our night drinking beers, and blowing off steam.

. The next morning we headed to a campground off of Route 66, we made it! It was here that we enjoyed a ride into an old mining town filled with quirky shops and an old train. We walked up and down the main street taking pictures and browsing the stores. The weather was ideal. It was a warm and dry 96 degrees, with cool breezes shooting in at us when we needed it most. Between the art, clothing, raw turquoise, oddities, and antiques, we were in “Girl Heaven”. A nice afternoon of shopping and great New Mexican food really hit the spot. By “New Mexican” food, I mean that we were able to have some amazing New Mexican style local tacos with black beans, corn, avocado, and super fresh tomatillo sauce. Afterward, we headed back to camp just in time to hang back and enjoy the magic of the starlit New Mexican sky, minus the hideous light pollution that we city folk experience. As we took in our nightly ales (local varieties of course) and enjoyed the sky show, we decided to get our shuteye early, as to go get our “kicks” a.s.a.p.

. As the sun rose, we loaded up and headed out down the classic two-lane American Highway that is Route 66. After about 3 hours, I slammed on the brakes…I remembered that we should not miss “The Blue Hole”. 200 miles east of Albuquerque, New Mexico in the town of Santa Rosa is “The Blue Hole”. This 81 feet deep, artesian spring is crystal clear, offering year round scuba diving, and is located conveniently off of U.S. interstate 40, Route 66. Though this natural phenomenon may have been around as long as 10,000 years ago, it was only in 1960's that divers began to explore the now popular watering hole. If you obtain a permit, you too can experience the dive, both day and night at this roadside wet-suit-clad attraction.

. After taking great photos, and watching folks jumping off the cliffs into the spring, we continued on our journey. We soon entered “The Lone Star State’s” panhandle and hit the “Midpoint Café” for a bit of graffiti and photo opportunities. We of course at this point were famished and ready for a couple pints of beer and local laughs. We just had to do it…we popped in for supper at the legendary “Big Texan”; home of the gigantic 72 ounce steak.

. Lissy and I of course did not even attempt to order this monstrosity of red meat. The restaurant rules state that anyone that can finish the huge pile of beef in under an hour, eats it free, gets their photo on the wall of fame, and receives a t-shirt with their name and time, along with the “I ATE THE BIG TEXAN” bragging phrase. We enjoyed a couple nicely portioned filets along with some tasty beer, and great ambience. Slot machines, a shooting gallery and the freedom to SMOKE CIGARETTES (A freedom that us Chicagoans aren’t accustomed to) at the bar, made it all worthwhile! Upon leaving the restaurant we once again busted out our Sharpie markers and signed the giant boot situated out in front of “The Big Texan” steakhouse.

. We also met Jeffrey Mathis of San Antonio, TX, a young man who achieved the feat of consuming the 72 ounce steak in just under an hour and then afterward making use of the bucket on the floor next to him, no one is perfect…BUT, then he went on to ORDER DESSERT!!…Nice! Well, he may have been sick the following day, but he has his picture on the wall, and he will forever have the shirt, or at least for as long as he takes care of it. Bragging rights… umm…yeah.

. We drove on…Oklahoma City is oh so pretty. Well, it was flooded and raining like hell when we got there. We opted to spend a night at another hotel, and relax. We woke up the next morning and did a bit more Route 66in, but due to the inclement weather (POURING RAIN), we decided to just have a bit of breakfast at a local greasy spoon diner and head to one of only 4 cavern tours in the world, “Fantastic Caverns”. A tremendous education and spirit lifting ride through the cave made everything feel better, though the weather was still quite nasty. A final hotel overnight in Missouri, and we were headed back to the flatlands.

. We experienced so much in only 16 days. Our great country is filled to the brim with sights to behold. I must once again reiterate to you all that driving is the way to go. When you choose to fly to your destinations, you miss so much along the way. We literally circled the map, from the badlands of South Dakota, to the volcanic regions of Wyoming and Montana. We toured the upper panhandle of Idaho, cruised the pacific coast of Oregon and California, drove through the Sierra Nevada Mountains, into Utah, Colorado, down to New Mexico; eastbound on 66, and finally back up north to Illinois, where I feel lucky to have had the ability to share our adventures with you all. Hopefully after reading through this instant replay, you’ll all feel inspired to hit the road. There are so many exciting places to see and people to meet that all I have to say is, “Shut up and drive!”

• Nicole Strein

For Melissa Harding (Lissy)